Sometimes a best friend can come in a tiny package

Long ago, when I was a child, if my bestie went on to find a new friend, I cried. No, I take that back. It meant the world was ending, and I blubbered hysterically.

For days after, I’d eat alone at lunch and later walk home by myself, feeling miserable. This would carry into the weekend, where I sat in my bedroom for hours because I had no one to play with. Luckily, as life would have it, someone else would eventually come along, take that girl’s place, and I’d be whole again with a new best friend.

We’ve all heard that a friend’s role in our lives can be a reason, season, or lifetime. Those who come for a reason are there to meet a need—a work associate helps you with a project, or another mother babysits your children so you can have a break. They are wonderful, but they fade away.

The season friend stays longer. They bring life and add value to yours. They may be there to add humor, adventure, or even a listening ear when things become a struggle. Whether they’re there to teach you something new or help you grow, they too fade when the season for that relationship has passed.

Then, there’s the forever friend. These are the ones who have embedded a handprint on your heart. No matter where you are in life, they’re your safe place. They’re that deep and lasting bond that tethers two people together through mutual respect, trust, and love for one another. This is the true meaning of a best friend.

I’ve had many friends in my life, but few have made it to the top tier. While I love and treasure all of them, a forever friend is a special connection that travels through time no matter where you are. Months, maybe even years, go by, but when you talk again, nothing about how you feel about each other has changed.

Recently, however, I discovered a new facet of what the closest of friends can look like . Something so rich in meaning, nothing will ever break the bond.

Today, I’m the proud Grammie to seven ankle biters—all under seven. How I love traveling to see them all. Not long ago, I visited my eldest daughter Michelle, her husband Christian, and little boy Kai (four years old), in Los Angeles. Because they live in a tiny apartment, when I come to see them, I sleep on the couch. And while some may say, “You’re too old to sleep there. Get a hotel room,” I would never trade their couch for a soft bed. It’s while I’m on their couch that, in the wee hours of the morning, Kai will tiptoe to my side and slide his tiny body next to me. I thought nothing could be more perfect than that snuggling until one morning, after getting cozy under the blankets, he whispered in my ear, “Grammie, you’re my best friend.”

As I looked at the smiling face of this precious child, I wondered, How could that be?

After all, weren’t childhood besties supposed to be someone close by that he sees every day and of the same age? He lives in LA, and I in the Tahoe mountains. Our visits are sporadic. And while I adore him and always try to make our time together memorable, his sweet words made my heart melt, because I knew I couldn’t be by his side all the time. But then I remembered how I felt about my maternal grandmother.

Young children don’t always process the situation or how a person makes them feel mentally. They travel through their youth feeling energy—what makes them feel good or bad. With my Gram, I always felt seen, heard, and loved. She was easy to be with, gentle, fun, and kind. Never did she scold me or try to act like my parent. She was just special, and I’ve modeled how I treat my kiddos after her by always creating a safe space for communication and emotion. Of course, there are many treats and toy surprises, but at the end of the day, I’ve come to understand it’s the grandparent’s presence in their life that is far more critical.

One day, this sweet child will grow up and develop rich, lasting relationships with new people. Oh, I’m sure he’ll make some time for me, but things will change. No longer will he want me to play cars, blow bubbles in the wind, or cuddle under the blankets as we watch Spiderman cartoons at 5:00 am. But I plan to never lose this connection of two souls finding each other.

When a child tells his grandmother, “You’re my best friend,” it’s one of the purest declarations of love. It comes without strings, expectation, or conditions. They’re just saying, “I love spending time with you.” Better yet, they’re telling you they love you.

So, Kai, I adore that I’m your best friend right now, and while it comes from childhood innocence, I plan to never let it go. You’ll grow up. You’ll have new friends and adventures that won’t include me, and that’s how it should be. But as you go from one stage to another, I want you to know I’ll forever be a safe place for you. Should you need it, I’ll be there to help you deal with the hard moments. I’ll listen patiently then guide you with whatever wisdom I can offer.  

You’ve reached the top of my highest tier—my forever friend. But more than that, you’re my best friend for the rest of my life.