In Praise of Birthdays

On a cold, dreary December day seven years ago, I was having coffee with my dear friend, Twinkie Lyman, at the local Starbucks. Letting out a long and disillusioned sigh, I began to cry the blues regarding my upcoming 50^th birthday. Menopause had crept in years earlier and I felt my youth slipping away. It was becoming harder and harder to look at the image in the mirror. Where there was once smooth skin, fine lines, along with a few deep crevices, traversed my face. Applying morning make-up became an artistic dilemma.

In 2003, my four children were one-by-one leaving the nest. Birthdays seemed to be just another reminder of life slipping through my fingers. Sitting across the table, Twinkie listened patiently as I blabbed on and on. When I was finally finished lamenting, she gently smiled, sat back in her chair and exclaimed, "I love my birthday!"

Astonished, I wondered how this could be? Every woman I ever complained to was in simpatico with my feelings. Gravity was pulling at our skin, tummies were beginning to soften and covering the gray in our hair was a monthly chore. What was her secret? I had to know!

"Don't you find it sad that our youth is decaying?" I inquired.

Her big, beautiful blue eyes became moist. Folding her napkin in her hands, she took a deep breath and revealed, "Jackie, four years ago I had breast cancer. I wasn't sure I'd ever have another birthday." Then encircling her long fingers around her coffee cup, she added, "With each one, I'm grateful I've had another year to live."

Horrified and ashamed, my lower lip dropped as I began to apologize for my selfish vanity. "I never knew," I whispered. "I'm so glad you survived."

Feeling extremely shallow, I began to take stock of my own life. I've known of people who dealt with this deadly disease. In fact, my own mother was a survivor thirty years before, but I never had a close friend my age experience the battle.

We all know, tomorrow isn't promised. We're reminded each time we pick up the morning newspaper or glance a the obituary, but somehow we still get caught up in the superficial and mundane. I myself have occasionally allowed my inflated ego and false pride over shadow what is real and true, but that day, many years ago, became a life altering wake-up call.

Now, when December 31^st rolls around I celebrate. I give praise for another wonderful year. I rejoice over the wrinkles on my face and the sag in my belly. With my children and friends, I've been blessed with a life well-lived.

When my four children were young, they helped me remember that your family will always love you even when your naughty or creepy. You should never let someone play with your hair when they're mad at someone else (like when mom is mad at dad). Never be the one to throw the last punch (even if they started it) because you'll be the one blamed.

It's fun to sing at the top of your lungs completely naked, thrilling to jump off the roof onto the trampoline and ride the garage door up and down when mommy hits the opener. It's never good to put pennies in the toaster, stab fruit with sharp paring knives or paint the walls with your fingers. That's what paint brushes are for.

Playing with dress-up clothes allows you the fantasy to be someone else. New best friends make life come alive, but it's your best friend that keeps life stable. No matter how old you are - never stop believing in Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny or the Tooth Fairy. Love every moment and never tell a lie. You'll always get caught.

What did your children help you remember when they were little?

It's common knowledge that men and women are different. Men think in black and white. They either love you or hate you. Women, on the other hand, tend to swim in gray matter known as emotion - "I'm depressed, but I don't know why." It's the dissimilarities between the two I find fascinating.

Girls mature faster than boys. Most seventeen-year-old young women tend to function as adults. Most seventeen-year-old boys lock themselves away in their bedrooms. When the do emerge, their conversation is typically in grunts and groans with disgusting noises for side effects just to get attention.

When a man says he's ready to go out - he's ready to go out. When a woman says she's ready to go it, it means she needs a half hour more because she can't find a thing to wear. Women do the laundry regularly. Men wait until they actually do have nothing to wear.

In a man's bathroom you find shaving cream, shampoo and a bar of soap. In a woman's bathroom there are probably at least twenty bottles for her face, body, hair, fingers and toes. If you really want to confuse a man, just ask what each lotion and potion is used for.

Men look good in mustaches, women don't. Men write in chicken-scratch, women use swirls and curls. Weight can be an issue for both, but while women ask the proverbial question, "Does this make me look fat?" Men just pull out a larger size to cover the bulging area.

Men focus on one thing at a time. Women, on the other hand, multi-task. She can do the laundry, pay the bills, help children with homework, read a book, watch television while carrying on an intelligent conversation - all at the same time.

Both sexes solve problems equally well, but the approach is different. For women, it's an opportunity to explore, deepen and strengthen their relationships. For men, it's a chance to demonstrate competence and their strength of resolve.

While women tend to be more emotional, both sexes want to form, appreciate and maintain relationships that are rewarding. Men get this from activities that are shared, hence their love of physical activity and sports. Women feel closer through communication and dialogue.

Because of these differences, we keep each other grounded. Without women, men would be bouncing off the walls (or each other) to find their sensitivity. Without men, women would drown in their own conversation. Men keep women experiencing the physical aspects of life. Women help men experience the ability to express their inner most thoughts that are often hidden deep inside.

Appreciate that person of the opposite sex sitting across the table from you. Life would be pretty dull with out sexual balance.

As my four children grew up, they helped me remember that even though some people are annoying and often embarrassing (their mother), they were still worth loving. Chances were made for the taking and rules were made for the breaking (if you don't get caught).

It is still great to sing naked - only this time do it in the shower. New loves are exciting, even if they only last five minutes. They give you the reason to dress-up extra nice before you go out the door in the morning.

Why make your bed when you're only going to mess it up again at the end of the day.  Why clean your room on a sunny day. A rainy day will eventually come along and you'll need a project. Playing with dress-up clothes allows you to be silly even though you're getting older.

Don't stop believing in Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny or the Tooth Fairy (even though you know it's your mom and dad). If you stop believing, the magic is gone and there just might not be any presents under the tree. Love every moment and never tell a lie. You always get caught.

What did your children help you remember when they were teenagers?

Now that my four children are adults, they keep reminding me that life is still an adventure and exciting even though there are grown-up responsibilities. Everyone has thoughts worth listening to because they're often extremely wise and all adults, including their parents, are worth having as friends.

People will still love you even if you disagree and there's a special magic in Christmas and Easter, only this time it doesn't come from the plethora of gifts under the tree. The magic comes from the closeness and respect created in a loving family.

Playing with dress-up clothes allows you to hang onto your inner child. Love every moment because the days pass quickly, joy is richer than momentary thrills and never, ever tell a lie (mom - you will get caught). It's just not worth it.

What have your adult children help you to remember?