Point of View

Point of View

The total obliteration of a parent's ego can begin with just one sentence.

"MOM, you're not wearing that - are you?" Lauren screamed. Standing before me enraged, my child spit fire as she insisted I change my outfit. The year was 1998 and we were getting ready for her Confirmation.

"What's wrong with it?" I sheepishly asked.

"It's orange for God's sake. It'll clash in the picture with our red robes," she hissed. "Besides, it's too short and you look like a Spice Girl. Can't you just look like a mom?"

Crestfallen, I gazed at the image in the mirror as she stormed out of my room. It wasn't that orange, plus it was the one dress I had that hid a multitude of flaws. And what was wrong with looking like a Spice Girl? You'd think that would be a compliment with the band's recent popularity?

In their younger years, my three girls and I battled over my appearance. At first, they wanted me respectable, but as the years went by I was encouraged to look like some babe out of "Teen Hottie" with jeans so low on the hips I didn't dare bend over.

"Michelle and Jenni, I can't wear those," I implored, looking at the pants they expected me to paint on my legs. "I can barely pull them up, plus I look ridiculous"

"Only you think that," they retorted.

Over the years, it's amazed me how my four children and I can view one topic only to come up with five opposing opinions. So the question remains, who's right?

While writing my memoir, it also hit me that we can view the past in dissimilar ways too. I looked at my history only through my eyes. I wanted to blame others for my shortcomings, but found my three brothers saw our childhood, and me, completely different.

As a little girl, I was pure and innocent. I was my parent's "rose among the thorns" and the perfect child, or so I thought. Unfortunately, my younger brother, Tim, informed me that I wasn't always "miss sweetness and light." Reminiscing our sibling spats, he reminded me that I could throw a punch just as hard as the next kid when annoyed. The proof was left for all eternity in the middle of his face with a crooked nose.

We're all entitled to our point of views. I'm thrilled my adult children have become independent thinkers and not some clone of their parents, but I find myself reminding them that there're always at least two ways of looking at everything. Life should not be seen through tunnel vision, but with telescopic range.

While we may not always agree, by allowing others their say, we become open to a variety of possibilities and gain new knowledge, maybe even about ourselves. It permits us to become fully connected to this world we live in, tolerant and forgiving. And that's something I think we can all agree upon.